Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
