How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
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