We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
