Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
