I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just found puke in my bra..
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
