In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
