I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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