I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
