People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
