did you get engaged???
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
