I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
