You're earring is so big in my mouth
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
