Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
