she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize