My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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