she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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