I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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