I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
