are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
