God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i've created a new STD.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
