i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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