i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
