Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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