1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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