There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
