Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
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I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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