I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
