i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
