i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
