On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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