i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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