At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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