i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
