Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
