have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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