I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
