Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
