I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Randomize
