I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Are these your boobs on my camera?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
