She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
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I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
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I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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