upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
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