No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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