He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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