it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
