Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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