i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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