I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
