i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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