I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
