I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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