Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
