Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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