WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize