Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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