Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
