It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I need a beard to bite.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
