Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I want her autograph on my taint
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
