How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
