Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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