my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
