hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
NoShamevember. You game?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
