I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My Sexting was not on an AP level
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
