I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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