I accidentally had phone sex last night
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
