How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
