just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize