I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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