Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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