Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
