Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
