Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
