if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
