wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
