addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
