in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
