4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
