Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
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