thus making me awesome and them whores
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
