I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
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you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
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You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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