ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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