Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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