that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
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You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
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