Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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