2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
