Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
