She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
