The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm really busy with my period
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